Tuesday 25 March 2014

Transcripts: Sunday Lunch Project 16/03/14 Question 2


Question Two: 
Education, is there a more natural form, a different way of doing things that is scalable and practical?
Female 3: Education, is there a more natural form, a different way of doing things that is scalable and practical?

Male 1: That was me, that was my question and it actually connects to that last thing I said about do we value people for the fact that they exist or for what they achieve? Largely I think the question that school is asking, when you enter school that under the banner is what can you achieve? Not how can you live in society well or how do we live together? Which for me seem to be much more interesting or perhaps useful questions in terms of the issues that global society seems to be dealing with within the UK? Whereas the approach of what can you achieve seems to me to deal with the “I” of going what can you achieve?  That you’re only valuable if you do achieve something…

Female 1: The productivity…

Male 1: Yes, the senses of productivity, if you can get the exam results then suddenly you’re valuable to society if you don’t get the results the where is your value? The question around education is, in terms of what are the alternatives?  How can the alternatives at all be practical and scalable?  Which might be too big of a question to even begin with.

Female 1: I think, because I come from a family of teachers, I’m the only non-teacher.  I’m a facilitator, I’m a director…

I certainly feel that one of the things I struggle with is, at school, I was an achiever, I got all the grades and I did all that extra-curricular crap.  Then I was like, and what? Because I felt like all that kind of entitled me to something or that that gave me value.  Then once you’re grown up it kind of doesn’t matter you know the reason, there isn’t a reward.  I’m really interested; we saw a post the other day for a self-directed learning school and it really, really interested me because actually that was one of the things that I found frustrating at school was that I don’t want to learn about this shit, I want to learn about how to make a rocket ship.  Don’t talk to me about volcanoes, I’m bored of that, I know that.  I read it in a book last week.  I don’t have a point really, I’m just telling you.

Male 1: No, no, that makes sense.

Female 2: I think the, “what can you achieve” question would be more helpful if it was directed differently because at the moment achievement is measured against external measures of success and other people.  If it was directed about you and what is achievement for you, in recognizing that different people have different measures of achievement, then I think that would be more helpful. 

Female 1: What are all the possibilities that you could be and which one do you want to go for?

Male 2: That goes back to my first question really, doesn’t it?

Meaning.

Female 3: Both my children are at school, in a state primary just off the Walworth Road. I would say that they really are learning about things beyond achievement and beyond what they want to do.  It’s a very inclusive school, it has a lot of children with special education needs and it’s very ethnically diverse.  I was thinking about it recently because someone I know is talking about homeschooling their child; secondary age. 

Female 1: Which I understand the imperative of if you’re driving for achievement, but if you’re driving for them to be a person of society….

Female 3: Exactly.

I think that is something that school achieved, kind of always has, but the focus hasn’t been on that.  I think Ofsted now, our school has had a recent Ofsted report. One of the things they look at, how it’s about the nurturing or the values of the school and I do think that school is how a lot of it all begins, doesn’t it? About how you socialize with people or what values you have? Whether you go with the crowd or – my daughter, just turned nine, a lot of the kids in her class have older brothers and sisters and she doesn’t, she has a younger brother.  

She said that they kind of talk older and more teenager.  She says that she doesn’t want to do that because it doesn’t feel like herself, but then she feels that if she doesn’t then no one will like her.  I was talking to her about that, but that of course is school isn’t that?  That’s the universal thing from school and that’s something that you get from that.

Male 2: No, I was thinking back to when I went to school and where I went, you know back in high school because we had very different school experiences.  I went to a country state school and my wife went to …

Female 1: I went to a private school.

Male 2: Sorry I outed you there…

Female 3: Yes, I know, it’s fine, fuck that I’m so sick of this shit; I went to private school because I won a scholarship. But then went to a state ‘A’ level college and I was really aware of the difference in effort and attitude in drive towards achievement or not. 

Male 2: There were two big differences, I think, to what we learned, I never really took on the talk of school, there was never really a focus on, the thing you were talking about, the difference between what you as an individual can achieve, what you’re there for, what can you do for society? The other thing it  never taught me to do or never pushed me to do was to try and be the best that I can be; to strive for excellence.  I think really is the big difference between us and as a consequence I amble around through my life and I’m doing alright now…

Female 1: You do very well, based on whatever measure you choose to use.

Male 2: You know, I’m happy. I have a job and all that kind of stuff.  I’m doing ok now, but it took me so long to get from there to here and I came out of school, went and did college because I had to and I almost failed my A levels, went on to a university and walked out after three weeks because I didn’t like it. Spent the year on the dole, spent four years on the job doing what I absolutely hated before I went back to the university to do something I really enjoyed. It’s taken off from there, but at the time I was never taught to think about anything other than; you get the grades and that’s all. I got the grades and didn’t learn stuff. I cruised through just because I could get the grades and there was no other pressure on me.  I just didn’t learn all that stuff and didn’t get pushed into doing all that stuff.

Male 1: That’s what I find really interesting is that.  Is it just then it doesn’t really matter what schooling you do, to some extent, because eventually you navigate it to a point where you either find your way or you don’t. I know that’s sort of throwing both those things up there at the same time, but….

Female 1: He’s a really clever guy. I wonder, I’m sure he’s had compatriots who were less clever struggled through more just to find their way, because he’s like the most stubborn person ever. If he wants it, he knows it and goes for it, but if you’re not that, if you don’t have that strength of will, can you self-direct in the same way?

Female 2: Although, I was just going to say, on the other hand, because I was similar and I coasted at school, because I could and at the university.  You never learn to apply yourself or work ethic, or how to study; that kind of thing since you don’t really need to. On the other hand I had friends at school who had to work a lot harder than me to get the grade.  They had to study and they had to put the hours in and, obviously you can’t judge other people’s lives, but I feel that potentially that serves better in work and the workforce afterwards…

Female 1: They have the habit.

Female 2: Yes, because they have that habit. They’ve applied themselves to their work, they take satisfaction in their work and achieving things, because when they’re at school they worked for it and there’s that sense of satisfaction when you achieve something when you’ve worked for it in a way that isn’t if you haven’t.  I think when I compare myself to those people, I feel they’re a lot more motivated than I am and work a lot harder. I don’t know, it just depends on the person…

Female 1: There was just a culture of achievement at the school I went to; there just wasn’t ever a question that you wouldn’t want to do your best.  It wasn’t that we were pushed per se; my parents were both teachers and I’m the only person to go to private school in my family, but they didn’t really push me.  They were like, “do what you want, like it’s your problem” and there’s something really interesting in that I did well academically; I met all those goals.  Then socially, I’m naturally quite shy, but I did this thing where I was like, no, I’m going to achieve the goal of not being shy.  There’s this thing that happens socially where I feel like I’m massively underdeveloped in some of those spheres.  I can totally fake it, because I’ve watched what it looks like and I pretend.  I find it really hard to make friends. 

Female 2: Yet, here you are opening your home to complete strangers.

Female 1: Yes, but that’s the thing, because I’m really good at faking confidence. I think I missed, for all that I got, the acheivement thing there was also something missing so I wonder about if this is something about how we frame education that is actually more about being a unit within a collective.  That sounds quite communist, but fuck it, why not?

Male 1: That’s the worry isn’t it? That when these alternative models get put up, they get slotted into an established ideology; when actually it can just be another idea within this system that we have right now or it can be another idea.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be just because there’s a kind of different approach to education, it doesn’t necessarily need to turn the state into a communist state or even deal in those terms; which is part of the issue.  Whenever an alternative is…

Female 2: Is reduced.

Male 1: …or anything is established it’s reduced to the, “oh what does that sound like or seem like?” Oh, that sounds like communism; that’s what it is. That’s the difficulty isn’t it?  The interesting thing I find about school is that it actually works for a lot of people. Like that whole school needs to be different thing, I feel like I’ve done alright. Even though, half the time at school it was horrific and I hated it and I thought it wasn’t relevant to me, but it’s also where I found my drama teacher, and my P.E teacher, and my music teacher, and they were figures who were massively inspirational to me. 

Female 1: It was where, we had an R.E teacher who said that homosexuals could be cured with counselling, and that was the first point where I was like, no; I am in opposition to you. 

Male 1: Yes.

Female 1: It totally allowed me, even though it wasn’t within those rules, I allowed me to define myself I guess.

Female 3: I think, for me, it’s about making sure that education, whether that’s through parents or home or whatever, it’s very wide.  I think what were all saying here is that you can get your meaning from education, but you have to be exposed to lots of different things and different options.  I had a similar to you; I grew up in Hong Kong. I was bright and I was put up a year above myself, above my age, when I was seven.

Female 1: They did that to me, but then kept me down. I was like, so I’m not actually as bright as you thought? They told me it was because I couldn’t put finger spaces. Anyway…

Female 3: I had special lessons about joined up writing because I missed that year. It was like a prep. I had parents who were very focused on academic achievement and I can understand why, because my parents had very different backgrounds to me. My father actually grew up in a children’s home; education was his way out.  He was born in a council flat in Hackney then he was in the children’s home and education was his way out.  He was very driven; he was the motivation that you thought of.  Where I was in the school with a lot of bright children where no one didn’t go to a university because that’s just what it was.  I didn’t have, let’s say motivation or drive, but I had my parents.  I had it coming from my parents and I did well academically and I got a law degree; I am a lawyer, but what is meaning for me is writing.  It’s something I’ve done as a child and it was my English teachers and my drama teachers.  I’m now doing an M.A in play writing and screen writing. Whenever I’ve had bad times, like cancer, the writing is what is my meaning.  It’s my way of expressing myself or coping; it’s kind of my coping strategy. 

Female 1: What was it, in whatever the context was before, that allows you to say that?  Does that make sense? There must be something that says, ok you can have a law degree and choose to be a lawyer or you can totally check out of that thing that you’ve been striving for and choose to do something else. There’s something quite special in that; not everybody has that.

Female 3: No, I think that came from me because it certainly didn’t come from my parents, because they’re all,” you’ve got to get a vocational degree and you can’t do English.  You’ve got to do a vocational degree.” I can see where they are coming from, because neither of them had an education they didn’t get to go to university.  They were very intent on us having an education. It came from me, I think.  The first time I kind of went back to writing was when I got cancer when I was 24 and I was a lawyer. I started writing I did some articles for magazines about ovarian cancer actually and I started building up the writing over the years.    Yes, it came from myself I guess. I think now, with Twitter and everything, I just think there are so many more options, I think.  You know of different…

Female 1: it seems like there are so many ways to look at other creeds.  Like, there are so many things that I know about now that I didn’t know about growing up in the very conservative Midlands.  That’s part of being in London but also just people going on about it on Twitter and you’re just like, ok well what’s that thing.

Male 1: The interesting thing about that is for the new generations, they’re exposed to that at a really young age. 

Female 2: Very young.

Male 1: How do they contextualize that? 

Female1: How do they pick a thing?

Male 1: How does education contextualize that for them? This is, I suppose, pushing the argument quite far in one direction. What if education is just preparing everybody to fulfill an economic role?

Female 1: That’s kind of what it is at the moment.

Male 1: Should it be?

Female 1: No it should be preparing you to choose what you care about and what is interesting to you and to pursue it and give you whatever tools you need.  That’s a massively ask, because what interest you could be microbiology, or it could be writing, or it could be carpentry, or it could be caring for children.

Male 2: Is that something we can only do now thought because we’ve got the luxury of having an economy where we’re able to do that? Say you took it 100 years ago.  Now You come out of school and have the luxury to be whatever you want to be.  What you need coming out of school is to be able to get a job…

Female 3: …and not die.

Male 2: Whereas now, you come out and decide to pursue your dream of whatever it is, you know you’re not going to starve; so you can do that.  So, we need an education system to reflect that.

Female 2: What about the kids who aren’t equipped to take advantage of that process? For whatever reason, there families don’t value education.  Okay, I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities my school offered me but I came from a home background where I was exposed to other ideas and thoughts.  I was taken to the theatre, we had books and we read, and I had parents that if I was failing science sat down with me and force tutored me. I didn’t enjoy it at the time, but it got me through school. 

Female 1: What if there is no one there helping you?

Female 3: It feels a lot of the time education is designed for people who are able to take advantage of their opportunity, where a lot of people aren’t. Any particular personality like, your father? Your father?

Male 1: that resilience of I’m in a really volatile environment and I need to get out.

Female 3: Understanding that you will be in that terrible moment for quite some time before you will get out. It’s that long term; knowing that you have to do things you don’t want to do.

Female 1: You can be given that, because I was totally given that.  I still spent seven years working in the city, fucking hating everybody I met and every second. I think there’s something about you can give people that agency and then they can give it up accidentally. I guess it’s a part of whatever the dream education thing is, if it’s about self-direction and the tools to be interested but it is also about the psychological ability to keep checking in and be like, “am I happy? Is this what I want?”

Female 3: and to know that you can change it.

Female 1: To actually have the right to change something to what you want. There’s a whole class thing in this because I feel like this is the difference between privileged and underprivileged kids, or average privileged kids, it’s feeling the right to ask for what you want. If you’ve never been given enough what you want is so far beyond…

Male 1: Yes.

Female 1: Why would you ever dream of asking for it?

Male 1: It’s a fascinating thing, because we have an awareness of our educations. Although they were all very different we were all able to use them at some point in a specific way.  I wonder if now, there is an opportunity for kids who might not have access or be able to deal with education the way that it is.  That if there is actually a way to create an alternative space that isn’t the excluded group of people from school group.  It’s just a different choice.  Rather than them having to have gone to that school to be excluded because they don’t deal with that sort of environment very well. Actually, you offer a different choice, but then I suppose the follow on is that be a choice that leads to exam results or wouldn’t be a choice that leads to a degree.

Female 1: Unquantifiable.                  

Male 1: Yes, which because that’s the way we are at the moment things have to be stamped.

Female 2: I don’t want this recorded if that’s okay?

(Recording Pauses)


(Recording resumes)


Male 1: Let’s say, for example, I ran young people’s programs for years.  I’d go into the Somali Community in Bristol and there were three kids who came to Bristol Old Vic from the Somali community in Bristol.  I was like, why aren’t more people coming and going out and doing workshops?  They seem to enjoy it.  Half the answer was it’s just not their bag; they’re just not interested.  The other half of the answer, which was more interesting, was well their parents don’t really like it.  They don’t really want those kids hanging out with these kids.  There were all these levels of barriers that just…

Female 1: It’s you don’t quite know what it is and you don’t quite trust it.  Which means you don’t quite trust the people, which means there…

Male 2: The question for me is if you have that does the state, or whoever, have a right to say no that’s wrong and we’re going to force your child to come to this…

Female 1: Like sex ed. is compulsory. 

Male 2:  Yes, but where do you do it?  Do you draw the line and say sex ed. is really important; we must have every child doing it? Theatre is that important or not?

Female 2: I think we know what this government thinks of theatre

Male 2: But where’s the line?

Female 1: I think that question should be like, expressive arts and you can pick whatever you want that’s in it but you’ve got to do something.  Like when you do your GSE choices or whatever.  You have to do a language, or you have to do a science, or you have to do Maths and English.  What if you had to do something that made you think like philosophy or you know something that made you think about the wider context of the world.  Philosophy or arts?

Male 1: There, it’s all the humanities area of subjects that generally do that anyway. With philosophy, English, or Arts; they are the ones that are undervalued. Certainly as the way the education system is being reframed now.  They are becoming undervalued.

Female 1: Well, they’re also the sort of things that allow people to challenge the system. 

Female 2: They’re truth tellers.

Male 1: Yes, yes. I don’t know.

Female 3:  I think there’s something more in the bacchelaureate system, something that’s wider.  A levels for me were so narrow, you know, choose three subjects.  I think something like you were saying where there’s something that you have to do something arts and I think that’s possibly a key.

Male 1: Yes, but they’re still only catering for those people who’ve gone through the education system to that point. 

Female 1:  And kind of know what you want because that’s the thing that differs between you and me is you don’t know what you want to do whereas there’s so many things that I want to do.  That’s the thing, bless you, but if I set you loose at 17 and were like, “pick anything”.

Male 2: The thing is you’ve narrowed it down more than I have, in a sense, but I still want to be the spaceman and the train diver and…

Female 1: Oh, so do I.

Male 2:  You’ve narrowed it down to a real focus on theatre and I detail and I haven’t really narrowed it down to any particular focus that I really want to do.  So, I’m ambling along and doing a job that’s ok, I just haven’t found my real focus yet.

Female 2: Can I ask something off topic from the questions?  Just interested, every person here has so far said they got an interest in theatre beyond just attending. I’ve studied theatre…

Female 1: He doesn’t really – its just that I work in theatre and he’s married to me

Male 2:  So that’s my interest.

Female 1:  I think that shared interest is because this is the first [Sunday Lunch Project}, and I Tweeted it so the only people that follow me on Twitter are interested in theatre or in people that rant about feminism!  That’s it.


Male 1: I do a bit of both of that.  I’ll rant about feminism, but I  know a bit about theatre. 

Female 1: Yes, only of the things I’m thinking about is flyering Brixton market and stuff, but it’s that same thing; if you’re not going to send your kids to the free class, or whatever, you’re probably also not going to come and do this. So it’s self-selecting.

Male 2: This is exactly the difficulty and we’re moving into a little bit of talk about diversity as well. I’m running a programing at the moment, where it’s completely free for anybody to arrive.  I’ve sent it directly to organizations and institutions who only work with ethnic minorities.  Chinese community center and three or four groups in Stratford who are only…but still the participant list for that group is still 20 year old white girls.

Male 2: And the majority of them… How do you manage that?  How do you deal with that?

Female 1:  In my job we have these two strands our organization wants participatory stream that is incredibly diverse and works really hard to try to get out to hard to reach young people.  They have programs with disabled kids, refugee kids, kids at risk of exclusion, and then they have like a youth arts program for 16 to 25 where jou can just rock up and it’s amazing; incredibly brilliant. Then I run the professional program and it is entirely different.  It isn’t through lack of looking for a broad diversity.  It isn’t through a lack of; it isn’t through any kind of discrimination, please God no.  At the moment I’m mentoring a lad whose from, who came through the youth arts stream and wants to make it as a professional playwright. And the thing is, I feel like I found one of the answers, but I asked him to do his five year plan.  And the first one on the list: “What do you want in five years?” said, I want to own a lucrative theatre company.  The thing I have to tell him is, I’m so sorry, that isn’t going to happen; even if you’re Cameron Macintosh.  You’re scale of earnings is nowhere near your scale of earnings of if you were just an average banker, or lawyer, or whatever.  He’s going to self-select out at the point of which he feels like he’s a lesser person if he can’t earn.

Male 2:  Can I just ask a question on that then?  In a sense, are you, I know what the theatre institute is like because I live with you and I…

Female 1: You pay the rent here.

Male 2: Are you actually discouraging him from really trying to change theatre to something that would actually be financially viable?  Are you saying here, encouraging him, “You’re never going to make money in theatre?” Or “Are you saying how can we make money in theatre?” then encouraging him to do that. I know what you’re saying. You are trying to let him down gently.

Female 1:  No, the conversation I’ll have; I don’t actually have to have a conversation with him, I can just give him this recording.  The conversation I’ll have with him is, look, you’re 24 now and it’s going to be ten years before anyone bets money on you in a commercial way.  Just because you haven’t got the skills; so for ten years it’s going to suck.  Then if you’re really fucking lucky, you will write Mamma Mia, or War Horse, or whatever. Then you will get three percent of the international gross profits on that. 

Male 2:  Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about in terms of school?  In terms of you get kids going into school, drive them into a steady career, and just get a job and live your life.  At the end of it when you’re 60 you might get retirement and pension and all that. Instead of saying to these kids why don’t you just go and dream and do, what you really want.  You’ll be saying, sorry, I’m going to be in so much shit after this…

Female 1: No, you’re not.

Male 2:  You’re stopping him from doing the big things.

Male 1: That’s an interesting thing though, because there is a responsibility as a mentor, or as a teacher, or as an education establishment…

Female 2: Not to throw them down a career that’s going to kill them.

Male 1: Exactly, and that’s the difficulty I think, which is a tension within education around that first question of: what can you achieve? What are you here for?  What you’re doing in society, because there is that.  If we take the pessimistic view of education you’re saying, “It’s just preparing people to fulfil the economic need.”  You get placed in the category you earn an amount, you pay a tax, and you keep society going in some way.  Or you could say it’s being responsible.  What do humans need? Basic, they need income, because the capitalist society that we live in means an income means you have to eat which means that the only way to get that income, well not the only way, but one of the better ways.  Is to say come and get educated in these things, because we know these things are the reliable things.  It’s such a catch 22.

Female 1: My mum and dad, they’re both teachers, but my dad is a potter.  They had a pottery business in our back garden for years.  They tell this story about going to see my second eldest sister’s teachers at her state comp up the road.  The only thing she was good at was art and the form teacher took them aside and said, “Look, the only thing she’s good at is art; she’s never going to make a career out of that.  You guys really need to be yelling at her to do something else”.  And they were like “That’s what we do, we are artists.”  It was like their heads exploded, they couldn’t understand that this person was saying this. The teacher couldn’t understand that there was a person out there who made a living in some way as a lecturer or teacher or whatever as well, but say 50 percent was as artists, in the way saying it’s impossible.  I feel we self-fulfil.

Male 1:  Exactly.  If you just go to school that said, yes you can be an artist and yes, this is how you do it and make money out of it maybe that was part of their education.

Female 1:  It would mean more people would want to consume art; which would make if more financially viable. 

Male 2:  I went to a school we didn’t say you can go off and do whatever you want and I’m incredibly angry about that because I’ve missed so much of opportunities early on.  Everything’s in my own destiny and all that stuff, but back then I didn’t know that.  I didn’t realize and I’m so angry about that.

Female 2: What would you be if you be different?

Male 2: I don’t know, I really don’t know.  I don’t know what I’d do, but I’d have the courage to know that I could. That’s the difference between you and me for example.  You went to a school where people encouraged you to do that and said if you really want to you can do it.  They didn’t say it will arrive, they said it will be difficult along the way, but if you really want to go and do it.  My school didn’t tell me that and it’s my own fault for listening to them in a sense, but that’s what they told me.

Female 3: I think that first of all there isn’t a thing as a stable career anymore.  I mean in today’s society.  Necessarily, I mean things like law for example is completely changing.

Female 1: I could see some sort of medical profession or engineer…

Female 3: Yes, what I mean is, I think there’s some but it’s narrowing down. I also think there’s something but I completely see your point.  There’s something about realism though.  You have to work at something and five years isn’t that long. It’s going to take a long time to build up a profitable company. 

Female 1:  If you were just a hunter/gatherer it would take you ten years to learn how to kill things easily.  I mean in the simplest way.

Female 3:  That’s something in whatever you have to do. If you want something you have to fucking work.  It’s not going to just come to you and you’re going to have to make sacrifices.  Whatever they be, you’re going to have to make sacrifices.  Even if down the road you end up being a doctor and you know you’re going to get a good amount of money, you make the sacrifice where you’re studying and studying and studying, giving up social life, and working long hours.  There’s always some sacrifice, but it had to be what works for you.  What you’re willing to balance out.

Female 3:  Well, there needs to be balance in the advice that’s given isn’t there?  Like, you want to be able to encourage people to pursue the things that they love; but do that in an eyes open kind of way.  So this is your passion, this is what you want to make happen, this is not very good at the moment, these are the sectors which you could study at the moment that are similar that might get you the job prospects. If this is your passion then here are some things that you can do and start doing now in order to sort of help make that more likely.

Male 1:  Absolutely, and what’s fascinating about that is like three of the most recent studies are 16 to 25 year olds; what do you want to be, what do you want out of life? Hardly any of them, I mean and I don’t know what areas, but about 22,000 young people asking them what they wanted and hardly any of them are saying fame. 

Female 1: That’s interesting, because that’s not what you’d expect.

Female 3: That’s not what you hear in the media.

Female 2: Someone should tell the Daily Mail.

Male 1: Exactly, because it’s not what you expect. Yes, someone should.  Then the other one was we want to do something that we love, that we can earn something from and that will also help society. I don’t know whether they went into a social enterprise school or what but these results, like when you look through the data it’s 16 to 25 year olds, but  like so many of them were saying no. Many of them were saying celebrity is an idiot’s game now; it’s empty, there’s no point.  Yes, we want to earn money and we want to earn a decent amount of money but we want to do that while we make society better.  I don’t know where these young people are but it sounds; because I’ve met a lot of kids I know who would answer like that but I didn’t think it was representative of the wider U.K.  Twenty two thousand kids may not be representative of the wider U.K…

Female 2:  It’s a lot.

Male 1:  It was an interesting; I got most of those data from RSA and from…AandM?

Female 1: Could you e-mail me those?

Male 1:  Yes, which was fascinating, I thought: we’d like to make money, but we’d also like to make the world a better place.

Female 3: Do we have to finish?

Female 1: Yes, go ahead finish because we’ve gone 40 minutes.

Female 3:  Just to finish off, I think it’s something schools are doing more now than say my generation.  It’s just the sense of social enterprise, just sort of eco-awareness and helping other people.  I see that in my children’s school; they certainly do projects like that.  They certainly think about the world, in a way that we, I, was never taught to.  That is a positive trait.

Female 1: Because my school was a convent; it was charitable, conservatively activist, strand to what we did.  It was like, bring your cans for the harvest festival and help people to cross the street.  It wasn’t campaigning for race or LBGT rights; for example. Yes, activism was totally there, in  quite a twee way. 

Male 2:  That’s the interesting thing about religion.  I’m not religious in any way at all, but it’s actually done some pretty good shit along the way.  As well as all the big disagreements, like on a local scale. There’s an interesting…

Female 1:  Well, maybe that’s why.  Maybe that’s why we’re a secular society now, because whoever is in charge it’s not in their interest to let us unify under any kind of ideology.  When Adam delved and Eve span who was then the gentleman?  You know that’s the start to a kind of active socialism.

Female 3:  Maybe that’s why we’re a secular society?

Female 1:  Ok, I’m pausing.

Female 2: You’re being a good chair.

Female 1:  Well I really need to go to the loo.  Would you clear plates and procure chocolate mousses from the fridge? Does anybody want anything else of anything that’s savory?

(The recording is interrupted by the sound of crockery clattering)

Male 1: What’s the NGO that you work for?

Female 2: I work for the Red Cross.  It’s just a desk job, policy stuff.  I’m not out delivering food to people flooded or anything like that.  It’s alright, it’s good. I haven’t been there long; just over a year.

Male 1: How long have you been in the U.K?

Female 2: Nearly ten years, so, yes a while. My dad is English and I was born over here so… The connection...

Female 3: Do you mind passing the water jug please?

Female 2: No, of course.

Male 1: Do you want a fresh glass?

Female 3: Yes, please. I’ll have a water glass.

Male 2: I’m not very good at hosting.

Female 3: No, it’s great.

Male 2: Anybody else wants more water?

Female 3: That would be lovely. Thank you.

Female 1: Anyone want the last of wine?

Male 2: Sure I’ll have a drop, I won’t say no.  It’s Sunday.

Female 3: Did you get quite a big response then?

Female 1: I got loads and loads and loads.  I’m trying to reset this [tmer] while I talk to you. Loads of women and loads of people who had part read it and then e-mailed me with absolutely not what I asked for.  The first day, all I’ve really done is tweet it so far, then I’ve just finished a really busy period at work. Now there’s proper work on it…

There was quite a big response based on three tweets but I was really interested in this narrow section of society. That’s probably the group of people who follows me.

I’ve done a little bit of leafleting for the young kids around work and stuff.  They were like, but why would I come and hang out with grownups?

Male 2: That’s what I think is crucial those diverse, intergenerational multi-social spaces. Whenever I’ve done any sort of work in anyway, whether it’s theatre or teaching related that’s always what’s offered the most interesting results, is those gaps of age, and heritage, and background, and color.

Female 1: Otherwise we’ll just spend an hour agreeing

Male 1: Exactly, or disagreeing about not very interesting points.

Saturday 22 March 2014

Transcripts: Sunday Lunch Project 16/03/14 Question 1



Question One: 
How do people find deeper connection or fulfillment in their lives - something that isn't transitory?

Female 1: It’s going.

Male 1: We all just lose the ability to speak.

Female 2: As long as I don’t have to listen to my voice back on recording then I’m fine with you doing that.

Female 1: No, that’s fine.

Male 2: That’s what I was worried about as well

Female 3: I’m a bit spooked about being photographed, but recordings ok.

Female 1: Ok, no, it’s fine.  Dig in.  Yes, if anyone’s on a date tonight you might want to go easy on the garlic bread, because it’s super garlicky. We’ve got rocket watercress and tomato salad, got some antipasti, and this gnocchi with spinach, and then the chocolate mousse for pudding.

Male 1: Wow.

Female 2: Amazing.

Female 1: Sorry. So that made you go, you’re going to be a bit gung-ho about life basically.

Female 2: Yes, I thought to see, I just happened to see it.  I just thought it seemed like a fun thing to do. I knew of you we follow each other on twitter so I knew it wasn’t completely

Female 1: I wasn’t going to rape and pillage you.  Yes.

Female 2: I was standing at the bus stop today and I called my husband and I was like, “Let me just let you know where I’m going.”

Female 1: Just in case.  The funny thing is people don’t really go to stranger’s houses ever.  That was kind of one of the things.  I just feel like the world distrusts- we all distrust each other so much.

Male 1: There was that whole pop up restaurant thing a while ago…

Female 1: Yes

Male 1: -four to five years ago?

Female 1: Yes, but that was different in that there’s this economic guarantee that you pay someone with your credit card and they can track you down.

Female 3: So theres an incentive for them to

Female 1: Yes, where with this it really could just be a weirdo murdering people.

Female 2: Yes so it didn’t feel as big a risk

Female 1: What about you?

Female 3: I must have seen it on Twitter as well. I was actually trying to think about that on the way over here. How I saw it.  Must have been on Twitter, someone I follow locally must have retweeted one of your tweets. I don’t know it just must have caught me in a moment of feeling like: it would be good to meet new people, I kind of want to get to do more in the local area anyway, and I just thought it sounded like a great idea really. It was sort of the underlining reason.

Female 1: Where are you in the local area?

Female 2: I live in Brixton just on the other side of the park - where the new Sainsburies is. That used to be the cockpit freight train near the Hootinany Pub.

Male 1: On the way to Tulse Hill

Female 2: Yes, I sort of live behind that.

Female 1: Cool.

Female 3: I live in Kennington by the way.  On your Twitter it says ‘Kennington’ so again, I thought, that’s local.

Female 1: That’s local, yes.  That’s really interesting, because I’ve got lots of people who seem to be kind of south London.  Then there were lots of people in Glasgow or you know really far away. So, I think there might be spinoff events that happen once I figure out how it works in other places.  Alright, should we do the first question.  Who wants to pick?

Female 2: Would you like to pick?

Male1: Okay.

Female 2: You were the first guest.

Male1: How do you find deeper meaning or fulfilment in your life?  Is that? Is it life?

Female 2: Yes.

Male1: In your life, something that isn’t transitory.

Female 2: That’s mine Can I give context? I don’t even know if I like it as a question anymore.  Anyway, because probably what you were saying about the news being negative, sometimes I like to think about the future too much.  You know, economics is dead, everyone’s really busy and frantic, feels like were all rushing around doing lots of stuff.

I don’t know, it’s been something I’ve been thinking about recently. I guess partly because of my personal situation in that I don’t have kids, I don’t have a partner, and I think those are things that can sometimes make you feel more anchored in life and tethered to something – tethered in a good way not a bad way; well depending. 

Either those things or outside of those things, I’ve been thinking about the things that sort of make you feel like you’re anchored to something more or have a bit more of an overarching goal or purpose.  Rather than going to the dentist, going to the movies, you know whatever you happen to be doing.

I just had a navel gazing moment obviously.

Male 1: No

Female 3: It’s kind of interesting because I’m a really big worrier.  Like I worry about global, on a massive scale and one of the things that I found, is that in order to not just go a little bit mental, the thing that has to give my life meaning - is the small things like going to the cinema or having... It’s really, kind of, all those small incremental things and placing value in those. I went to a convent school and I was raised by probably a lapsed Methodist and a militant Atheist, so I don’t really have…

Female 2: Wow, that’s a bizarre mix isn’t it?

Female 3: Yes, so I have loads of religious habit. I know Matthews gospel by heart actually, but I don’t really have any feeling. I always feel like a hypocrite when I meet religious people; like I feel terrible. I don’t’ stick at things enough, like there’s people who can locate their meaning in, I don’t know, sustainability. That’s what they chase, their creed.  That’s what gives them purpose, but I don’t feel like I can do that.  I don’t think I believe in anything enough.  Actually little things really work for me.  I don’t know, I’m going to think about it and come back to that. 

Male 2:  I was in that place where I don’t think anything means very much.  What I did is stop working for a year, pretty much; just completely stopped.  And read every day, then once that felt like enough I was, started reading and then I went for walks every day.  It was nearly a year; it was about ten months. I read about the brain and how our brain works and philosophy, and why the world is the way it is.  Then after that I was like, actually that’s what I need to be doing regularly is considering my place in the world and the world’s place in the world in kind of a larger every day way. 

I just signed up to do a degree. That was my answer, and now doing a degree in modern liberal arts, and that for me is what gives me the anchor and the meaning because it means I’m pulled away from myself discovering the great big things of the world and the little things, which I can then take on for me and apply to the work that I do. So then I got together with a group of people to develop a new project – and then both those things in tandem really helped find that meaning because it brings a group of people together who care about something, and it’s that that gives me… and I try not to read news or watch the news once a week because I can’t find the meaning in it. It’s certainly not as the way it’s delivered to us; largely. That is my direct answer to that question.

Female 3: Yes, that’s a good answer.  I’ve got a few thoughts.  They might be very interconnected, so I’ll just say them.  One thing, because of what I was going through recently with the cancer; I don’t have ovaries anymore, I had to go through menopause, I went to get some counseling, some therapy. I was saying to her, I was recently, that I suddenly felt ok with the uncertainty of life and the one thing I know, I’m not religious but the one thing I believe in is that anything can happen. 

There’s only so much you have control of and things can go wrong in life, but I trust now that I have so flexibility and some coping skills to be able to roll with it and bend with it.  She introduced me to a concept which I hadn’t known of called negative capability which is Keats, the poet Keats who came up with that.  It’s great if you look it up, it’s about how he was saying, basically it’s about being able to live with uncertainty and how, as a poet he was very charismatic in some way, he had this poetry and was able to express himself but inside he felt very insecure and very shy. How actually those double back, that negative traits were very useful for creativity, and that there was a lot that came out of that negative stuff and he was able to live with that and live the doubts and the insecurity. 

He thought that that was a coping mechanism. I thought that’s was, sort of, interesting. The other thing I was thinking of, I do have a husband and children.  When my eldest was a bit younger, it could be quite hard – you know it’s relentless, it not particularly intellectually stimulating and you have lots of doubts as a mother.  One thing, again it was an article that someone had told me about was in the Huff Post, but it really kind of made sense with me.  It was about appreciating, what you call the, kairos moments; it’s a Greek word I’m not sure if I’m pronouncing it perfectly.

Female 1: Doesn’t Kairos mean, like, weather

Female 3: I’m not sure…

Female 1: I’m interrupting you, sorry.  Ignore me.

Female 3: It’s ok, it’s ok, but it was all about noticing the little moments.  Instead of saying, you know, I should be grateful for all I’ve got; it was about actually noticing the little moments.  The little moments when your child tells you they love you.  When you feel really connected and you’re in the moment and noticing those. That’s something that I found really helpful and wonderful sort of like what you were saying, I’ve noticed the little moments when I feel really, kind of connected to something. Enjoying a film or something and all just when I feel at peace; I’m with it and my mind’s not wandering.

Female 2: That all make sense and actually, I guess it does also link to why I came here today as well because it’s easy noticing the moments and being in that moment.  To not be in the moment, so you’re doing all your things but not actually properly there because of multitasking, phones, and internet.

Female 1: …and Twitter.       

Female 2: Exactly, that kind of thing. Probably connecting more with the moment is important and I think that is part of what attracted me to your lunch is sort of connecting with other people and reflecting.

Female 1: Yes, I think one of the things – with the little things, one of the things is what sort of this lunch is about. The way to find a broader collective meaning actually in a way to kind of all be in something together.

Male 2: Yes

Female 1: I haven’t really thought about how to articulate this yet. I find meaning, in order to function, I find meaning in the little things, but then there are times where you sit and there’s this wonderful little thing and you think, “yes, this is it” and then actually it can’t be, it cannot be the meaning of life is eating some really nice chocolates on a rainy Sunday, that can’t be it.

Female 2: Feels like it is sometimes though isn’t it?

Female 1:  I guess, I ponder about the tension of that.

Male 2: The things that we find that do give us meaning are the things that aren’t actually expected.  You make all these big giant plans about how you’re going to live your life; you’ve got your five, ten, fifty year plan.  You’re going to get married; you’re going to have two point four kids, you’re going to retire, or whatever it may be. Actually, it’s too big almost to get a real sense of pleasure from other than potentially later on you look back on it, and it’s like these little things that come along during the process, during the journey that you have where you go, “oh, yes that’s really great”.   Like this, like a sunny day where you sit outside reading the paper.  Like last weekend I had a great time on Sunday morning, because it was the first sunny day and I sat outside and read the paper.  Just small little things like that that crop up along the way. 

Female 1: Is there a difference though; between pleasure, happiness, and meaning?  In a way we’ve all kind of been like, “this is the thing that makes me happy”.  The things that make me happy are not necessarily the things that I think are worthwhile.  I feel like I should probably give up everything that I do and go and work for an NGO and really change the world or start a charity like, that’s what I should do to have meaning, because I am totally capable of changing the world if I do that.  There is an essential selfish core to me I sacrifice meaning for happiness.

Female 2: I work for an NGO and I don’t feel like I’m changing the world.

Male 1: It’s an interesting one because that idea of meaning is often found through difficulty.  It’s not necessarily about finding happiness or finding ways that are often found through that difficulty, but you can engineer that difficulty in a way that can be very practical, you can set up an idea of I’m going to do this project and go knowing it’s going to be very difficult or nearly impossible, but I think it’s largely about bringing a group of people together.  I think that is where most of us find out meaning is in relation to another human being or a group of human beings and I don’t necessarily think it has to be on the large scale of working for an NGO and changing the world. 

It’s that old school saying of, if you look after your own back garden you’ll find that the neighbor starts looking after their own back garden and then all of a sudden you’ve changed the street.  It’s an interesting idea of how you can change the world.  Maybe it’s just by growing too many tomatoes and giving the extra tomatoes away.  Then more people start growing their own food.  It’s that whole, being the change, idea, but I don’t know if that gives you meaning.  That’s the difficulty it matters on who you are at that time.  Something that could be really meaningful to me might not mean anything to anybody else. 

Male 2: Do youthink a lot of people just don’t realize how much of an impact they have on other people.

Female 2: Yes.

Male 2: Like a positive impact.

Female 3: And a negative.

Female 1: We all know some of those

Female 3: Yes, which actually brings in nicely to what I was going to say which for me is I guess for me is to do things that bring me at peace.  I feel good about myself for doing or negatively about and sort of happiness or happiness to someone else.  I guess just doing things out of love rather than fear.

Female 1: I think a lot about kindness. That’s where my happiness and meaning coincide. 

Female 3: Yes, kindness.

I think for me, that’s what it is.  It’s living in a way that I feel that I can be proud of or at least ok with.  Teaching my children good values and connecting with intimacy, because intimacy can be difficult. 

Yes, I think that’s kind of my meaning.

Male 1: I think there is something about facilitated space.

Female 1: Yes.

Male 1: A lot of people find which is why I went to do this degree, because it’s a facilitated space. The course I’m doing is specifically looking at the big questions of life, who are we and why.  There’s that element, if you think about what religion has done, if you forget about all the negative stuff, because we know that, but if you think about what religion has done for long periods of time its facilitated space. 

Female 1: a place for us all to get together and figure shit out.

Male 1: Yes, exactly people have gathered.  There is a unity in what they are gathering for, but I think in a secular society those spaces are starting to be filled but we’re perhaps responding to the fact that they haven’t been filled yet; enough.  Especially as we grow up as adults, now we’ve got facilitated space of school, then we got to college or a university, and work for a little bit of time becomes a facilitated space where you know everybody and there’s nothing new.  Whereas in an idea of religion often coming to meet people in a space that does not have any other purpose than you’re gathering there.  Depending on the religion it can be quite hardcore, strict, or whatever.  Just an idea that you’re all there…

Female 2: Looking for meaning.

Male 1: Looking for meaning.

Female 3: Reflecting.

Male 1: I think if we had more of those facilitated spaces that weren’t necessarily about a deity or religion, that that would be really interesting.

Female 3: There’s one that’s been going, I think, for a year and a bit now.  The Sunday, the Sunday meeting or, I can’t remember what it’s called…

Male 1: Sunday sermons.

Female 3: Yes, Sunday sermons and its nonreligious people coming together on a Sunday.  Someone delivers a talk about the world around us and the people.  It operates, I guess, in the same premise as a church and that people coming together you know being part of a community and talking about life, but without the religious aspect.  I haven’t been to any but I had heard about it and read about it.

Male1: Ruby Wax did one on mental health which was fascinating. 

Female 2: Did she?

Male 1: Yes she did 50 minutes.

Female 1: I heard about it, yes.

Male 1: On mental health, because she tells people that she lost the plot.  It was the idea of this Sunday sermon and it was her talking about her ideas of  experiencing mental health.  I definitely think there is something in that big public facilitated space as well. You’re pulled outside of your own comfort zones, I think, and you have to…

Female 1: You have to, because you’re kind of resisting between pushing yourself being yourself and aligning with others. That makes you kind of assess where you’re positioning yourself morally, globally, financially, whatever; like churches use to do.

Male 1: Yes, exactly.

Female 3: The thing about the church as well is that you get, which is what you’re trying to do here, is you get people who are very different and you might live very near each other but you won’t necessarily support each other.

Female 1: That was also the thing, I meet a lot of people every week; a lot of strangers. There’re all under the same umbrella pretty much and before I got this job I did temping and I met loads of different people, other different kinds of people, from different I don’t know clubs or whatever.  One of the things I find some the things I took from those clubs aren’t so welcome in this club.  Things I know about or think about, I’m sort of interested in how we sort of club ourselves together.  If you’re defining meaning based on your context then meaning changes entirely from person to person and it would be. I sort of feel like, surely there must be, this shared meaning; a universal meaning. 

Female 2: We like to belong to tribes though don’t we?  When you were talking about clubbing I sort of felt like we do. I feel like half the tribe. Sorry.

Male 1: That’s the great question..

Female 1: is there a universal meaning…

Male1: Is there a universal meaning? Is there universality between I and we?  What is that tension between I believe in this and we believe in that?  

(The buzzer sounds)

(Laughter)

Female 1: That feels like a really pnice place to end that section actually

Female 2: Cos we cant answer that can we?

Male 1: Philosphers have been trying to answer that for two and a half thousand years!

Male 2: Well, see we could have fixed it if only we’d had another two minutes!

Female 1: Okay, well we’ll do second course, can you clear these plates?  Please really keep your knives and forks because when we bought them he wouldn’t let me buy two sets because he said we’d only ever need six.  So we don’t have enough to do…

Male 1: I’m a big fan of that.

Female 1: He’s not so much into it in that every dinner party we’ve had, since we met I’ve told that story.

Male 2: It gives a wonderful opportunity to tell a great story and have people recycle and reuse.

Female 2: Exactly.

Male 1: Exactly.

Female 3: It’s one of the things that one day that they’ll name in the divorce that we keep going on about these things.

Male 1: Just on the changeover. I think there’s no harm in just taking some really practical steps.  I’m going to do this today, I’m going to do this on Wednesday, I’m going to do… there’s no harm in that.  I was very purposeful about leaving my job, you know and it wasn’t like I was rich. I went on the dole and I signed on, and it was a very conscious choice of going, this thing of I and we.  I have to start with the “I”.  What am I about if I’m not in relation to these other things? I was largely defined by my work and my job, but who am I if I don’t have that, who am I if don’t have a partner, if I don’t have children, or if I don’t have a house? Who am I?

Female 1: or a job…?

Male 1: Yes, of if I don’t have a job? It was me being really conscious going for the next nine months, who are you? Then it was only once that I had some sort of uncertain sense of that, there was no certainty in it what so ever, but an uncertain sense of what the uncertainties were. The other stuff started to really matter and I was really deliberate about the choices I then made, but it did just start with two months of just reading books, because I wanted to demand nothing other of myself than just existing, but who are you if you just exist and just don’t do anything? That was quite interesting for me in terms of that finding meaning in questions.  Kant, Manual Kant's a philosopher, he talks about this idea of do we value people for what they achieve or do we value people because they exist? That’s quite an interesting idea; do we value people just because they exist? Do we value life for life’s sake? If we don’t, then when do we value…

Female 1: Theoretically we do, right?

Male 1: Do we?

Male 2: The death penalty?

Female 1: Well that’s true, but also what about right to life?

Male 1: Yes, abortion rights and all.

We went deep didn’t we?

Female 3: I heard someone had something frivolous?

Female 2: What is your favorite shoe shop?

Female 1: Actually the slightly more frivolous question was from the lady that’s sick and couldn’t come

Please serve yourselves. There is a whole other one.

Female 1: Do you want to pick, would you like to pick the next question?

[End]

Read the transcript of the next question here.